A Morality Play

In Heaven...

Benjamin Franklin: I say, Tom. Isn't it remarkable how that Republican Party holds the debt ceiling hostage for the sake of abundantly wealthy aristocrats like we used to be on Earth

Thomas Jefferson: Speak for yourself, Benjamin. Those bloody 'Tea Partiers' have no clue what they're doing and the rest of the Republicans try to placate them. We didn't want to pay taxes without representation. These cheap bastards don't want to pay taxes at all.

BF: Yes, well, I suppose you have a point there. But the rich are paying more than their share of taxes, aren't they?

TJ: Not really, Ben. The high-power corporations high large law firms that find loopholes in the tax code and actually pay very little in taxes. They are also more astute at finding deductions for their own personal taxes. Once again, high-powered accountants can find tax loopholes.

BF: Well said, Tom, as always. But why are they holding the bloody debt ceiling vote hostage? Don't they realize interest rates will rise sky high, destroying the economy?

TJ: Perhaps. But there are two sides to this argument. If interest rates run sky high, the U.S. may never be able to pay its debt. However, prices on everything from housing to commercial real estate could drop precipitously. That means investors with some cash or savings could purchase something cheap at high rates and later refinance when rates lower. It might be better for the consumer. For banks, however, it will not be good and lending would completely freeze up, more than it is now.

BF: I see. So, even if prices were low, banks don't get their low percentage money they've become addicted to from that pusher man--Ben Bernanke.

TJ: Well, you know Ben, we never said anything about the Federal Reserve in our Constitution. And I never thought of anything so stupid as an organization within Washington, D.C. that prints money and answers to Wall Street when I wrote the Declaration of Independence.

BF: Fools. Bureaucratic fools.

TJ: That's from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Just saw it on Blu-Ray.

Enter John Hancock.

TJ: Hancock. You seem well today.

John Hancock: Not in the least, Jefferson. I get the feeling that the U.S. will not raise the debt ceiling because those TP Republicans can't get themselves together and admit they were wrong for holding the debt ceiling hostage during budget talks.

BF: They'll never be able to repay China anyway. So what's the point?

TJ: When it becomes official...when U.S. ratings lower from AAA status...interest rates on the debt increase and China can officially say they want their money back.

JH: But China needs the U.S. as much as the U.S. needs China's investment...and investment from other foreign countries.

TJ: The problem is that the pusher man--Ben Bernanke--won't be able to print up any more money to funnel to large banks to make them look solvent. Therefore, even the large businesses will need to layoff people. More unemployment, fewer consumers spend, nothing for China to import to the U.S. and, yet, the U.S. can import food, coal and other commodities to China.

BF: If I were China, I'd ask for my money back. Or start a war to get it back.

JH: War...with Europe insolvent and the U.S. insolvent....and China wanting the money they loaned to the U.S., wouldn't the U.S. be on the wrong side of that war?

BF: Maybe the U.S. will blame it on Al Qaeda or some Chinese terrorist group.

TJ: Let's not jump the gun.

JH: I love that phrase. Reminds me of the old Revolutionary War--Shot Heard 'Round the World--days of yesteryear.

TJ: Not that Sarah Palin would know a damn thing about it. But that's for another day. Let's hope cooler heads prevail on this and they can raise the debt ceiling, try to balance the budget and let the stock market crash in the normal way with a major bubbles.

BF: I do say I am looking forward to speaking to Larry Summers one day about how he masterminded this method of derivatives and structured investment vehicles, what do they call it? Financial engineering? To make people feel wealthy and prosperous when in reality they are only wealthy on paper and lose it when the bubble pops. It's sheer genius.

JH: He certainly knew how to run a good scam.

BF: And, he realized, unlike others, that women were not good at math or science. He had the balls to say it as Harvard's president.

JH: He is quite a genius. And, borrowing money--basically printing it--while keeping interest rates abnormally low does make one feel healthy, wealthy and wise...right Ben.

BF: Indeed it does.

TJ: Will you fools quit acting like the aristocratic baboons you actually are. It's exactly this type of borrowing that has led to the crisis the U.S. and Europe are in right now. No entity can borrow and borrow without eventually paying the piper. And, as for speaking to Larry Summers, I don't think he's coming up here...if you know what I mean.

BF: The poor bastard.

JH: Fat bastard.

BF: What's that?

JH: I'm going to open up some Fat Bastard. That sort of information disturbs me and I could use a glass of wine. And what more appropriate wine than Fat Bastard.

TJ: Let me see if I can speak the boss about the country we invented...and the world itself...not blowing itself up from a World War III. Know what I mean?

BF: Not sure if I do, Thomas?

TJ: That's because you still suffer from major electroshock therapy. Let me spell it out. When nobody has any money and a country heading toward a recession wants money they're owed, that country will get very angry. Then, the country that owes money...and other countries without money, will get very angry. Soon, the result is inevitable. War. Nobody wants it, but we may have it.

BF: Strange how humans often obtain things they do not want.

JH: This is no time for Star Trek lines. Tom, if there's a chance to save Earth you have to take it.

TJ: Okay, I'll just be stepping out of The Twilight Zone here and get a meeting together with the big guy. We'll need cooler heads prevailing in more than just a debt ceiling crisis. But will they?

BF: Thank you for this talk, Tom. You really cleared my head...about the country and the shape of things to come.

TJ: Well if I had your outlook, my feelings would be numb. I'd always think that everything was so fine...Everything was fine, fine, fine.

JH: Please quit quoting the Chicago "Dialogue: Part I" song. You, Tom, of all people, quoting someone else's work is particularly surprising.

TJ: These are desperate times, Hancock. I suggest you 'sign on' to our appeal for a safe landing to the debt ceiling crisis and a healthy financial system down the road.

JH: I'll drink to that.

TJ, BF and JH: We can make it happen, we can make it happen, yeah...we can make it happen, we can make happen, yeah, we can make it happen, we can make it hap--

THE END